Negative people

How To Deal With Negative People

How to Deal with Negative People

 

Negative people are one of the toughest kinds of people to be around. We all know at least one negative Nancy who always finds something wrong with the world and assumes the worst. The thing is, most of the time, these negative people don’t even know they are being negative. Sometimes, it doesn’t come from a bad place and is just their innate perspective on life. 

Of course, humans naturally experience negative biases. We tend to remember negative events, experiences, comments, and behaviours more often than positive ones. So it takes quite a bit of effort on our part to focus on the positive in things in life and have a more optimistic approach to the world. 

When it comes to dealing with negative people, regardless of what their reason to be negative may be, is detrimental and extremely difficult to deal with. When you let negative people into your life, this can have a profound affect on you mentally and professionally. Not all negative people are toxic, but most often than not, it ends being that way. This is why it’s incredibly important to be protective and selective about who you keep around you, on and off the boat. 

In this article, we’ll talk about 6 different approaches to navigating the negative people in your life how to deal with those Negative Nancy’s in the future. We may not have a choice on how others behave, but we can always control our reaction to it.

Changing the Subject 

If someone is always telling you about the bad things going on in their lives, try shifting the conversation by going after the good.  Ask a question like, “What was the best part of your day today?” or “what are some good things going on in your life right now?” This can immediately shift the person’s mindset in a different direction. By changing the subject, you have a chance to avoid a pessimistic conversation and stop playing into their negativity.  When they see that their negativity isn’t bothering you as they expected, that person will stop trying to drag you down.  You can also try talking about the good things in your life as well. Sure, you can acknowledge that there are things that aren’t all that great, but emphasise the importance of focusing on the good things, too.   Changing the conversation to something more upbeat can open their eyes to see that it’s possible to talk about uplifting topics rather than negative ones. For those who have found comfort in connecting with people by commiserating, the idea that you can also celebrate the positive together might be a new idea.

Say What You Need Up Front

You might find it’s helpful to say what you need from that person before you enter into a conversation with them. It might sound something like this, “I know several things could go wrong with this plan. But it’s not helpful for me to hear about those things right now. When I tell you what I’m doing, I would appreciate hearing some positive things.” Tell people what you hope to gain by sharing your news—maybe it’s a bit of support, empathy, a little cheer, or just simple acknowledgement. It’s all about communication. Not everyone can read your mind. If you want them to be less negative and more positive (neutral, even!) then speak your mind and say what you need. Your voice is important.  You’d be surprised that some people immediately change their tune when you ask them to. Sure, not everyone will be able to do that. However, it’s worth trying.  By communicating and sharing what we need, we could potentially see a more positive side of that person come through. 

They’re Mirroring Themselves

It’s tough to hear negative things all the time. It may even take a serious toll on your mental well-being. But it’s important to remember that someone’s negativity is likely a reflection of how they feel about themselves.  It’s never about you. People’s actions are always a reflection of how they feel internally. The sooner you understand that the quicker you’ll learn to deal with negative people.  Learning to come from a place of understanding, helps make things easier in the long run when dealing with pessimism. Sometimes, all that person really needs is more love in order to stop acting so negatively.  By keeping this in mind, it can help you look at negative comments from a healthy perspective and space. 

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Speaking of healthy perspectives and space, let’s talk about creating boundaries. You might decide that it’s best just to establish some healthy boundaries for yourself. That may look like limiting your interactions with certain individuals or completely cutting that person off. Negative people can exhaust you to your core. While it’s easier said than done, cutting some people off is a way to let go of your hold on negative people and release you from their grip. This could also look like ending conversations when they start to become overly negative. Or keeping people at a certain distance by limiting your exposure to them. That’s okay, too.  You don’t have to tolerate their behaviour.   You may feel bad at first, but remember that this could be the crucial step to moving on. Creating boundaries with people is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Grieving the Relationships You Wish You Had

Of course, none of these things are easy to do when you care about someone. If you have an unsupportive parent or partner who can’t be happy for you, it’s normal to experience grief. It can be extremely difficult once you come to accept that they can’t provide you with the things you need. You might find that you keep wishing they would change which will only leave you more tired, frustrated, and hurt.  Sometimes, it boils down to the fact that you just can’t change a person no matter how hard you try. And it’s not your responsibility to do so either.  While there’s always a chance that they’ll change down the road, you might need to accept them for who they are right now. All you can do is focus on staying positive and keep a healthy perspective on things. 

Negative people

Moving Forward

Hopefully, you do have some supportive people in your life who can be happy for you. If you do, go towards them. Gravitate towards your people. If you don’t, go out and find some. It’s important for all of us to have happy and healthy relationships with people who love seeing us succeed in life and for us to do the same for others.  No matter what, don’t let a negative person change who you are or your outlook on life. Your positivity and optimism is one of the best parts about you so never let someone take that away from you. By having a strong inner world, you’ll be able to navigate through any negativity and drama surrounding you. 

Brainstorming

The Power of Brainstorming

The Power of Brainstorming

What exactly is brainstorming?

Brainstorming is a technique that groups use to find solutions for specific problems. The process begins by gathering new ideas from team members in an open-ended manner; this allows everyone on the table to contribute without fear of whether their idea will be rejected before it’s heard properly. Brainstorming usually includes some core members who take part as leaders, while others may serve more functions like consultants or listeners – but they all work together towards achieving success! They usually only include five core participants at most – just enough so each person doesn’t feel too alone during their time collaborating with others.

Brainstorming was first invented by an advertising executive, Alex F. Osborne coined the term. He wanted to solve his employees’ inability to generate new ideas. He developed team-based methods for problem-solving focused on brainstormers, which led him into hosting these types of sessions where he found out that this approach led to significantly greater quality results than others before it.

Brainstorming tools have become more popular in recent years as businesses seek ways to streamline their processes. Digital platforms allow for rapid note-taking and sharing, which speeds up review sessions tremendously while also reducing errors caused by inaccurate memory recall or lack thereof when it comes down to just one person’s idea at a time before us. A quick search online will show you that there are plenty out on offer today – some even provide templates so all you have left to do is copy-paste.

The idea is to generate as many new suggestions as possible. Once all of these ideas have been collected, a team evaluates them and focuses on the ones that are most likely going to solve your problem for you – this process usually entails some form of critical thinking where each option’s strengths/weaknesses come into play before deciding which one will best suit what needs there.

The Four Principles of Brainstorming

Osborne’s guidelines for running your own sessions can help you produce better ideas and make the most out of every minute:

1. Quantity over Quality

The idea is that, over time and with enough ideas collected in the first stage (collection), quality will eventually result from them being refined together.

2. Withhold Criticism 

Team members should feel comfortable and encouraged in bringing any crazy notion they might’ve had up at work without fear of being blocked by others or feeling like their suggestions won’t make it past the confirmation stage because there’s no judgment on post-collection feedback – everyone has something unique going inside them!

3. Welcome the Crazy Idea

To encourage your team members, you need to open their minds and think outside of the box. Introduce “pie in the sky” ideas that help them see new techniques as well-could be a ticket for success!

4. Combine, Refine, and Improve Ideas 

The final principle asks you to build on ideas, and draw connections between different suggestions to improve and further the problem-solving process.

These brainstorming techniques and processes all aim in helping your team come up with innovative ideas. However, there’s no single way to hold a successful session

The key is finding what works for you. Reverse brainstorming sessions are a great way to generate new ideas and can be helpful, but you must find what works best for your team.

Why is Brainstorming Important?

Brainstorming sessions are a great way for your team to come up with new ideas and find solutions. This is because they allow people from different areas of expertise, as well as those who may not normally work together on projects or tasks before this one – such as customer service representatives helping out produce managers during emergencies – to effectively collaborate towards the same goal: helping you solve whatever problem(s) arises.

Some advantages that come from brainstorming sessions for businesses and individual productivity include:

  • It allows people to think more freely, without fear of judgment.
  • These brainstorming sessions encourage open and ongoing dialogue and collaboration to answer problems and bring about new methods and ideas.
  • Brainstorming helps promote a large number of ideas quickly, which can be refined and merged to create the ideal solution.
  • Brainstorming allows teams to reach conclusions by consensus, leading to a more well-rounded and better-connected path forward.
  • Brainstorming assists team members to feel comfortable bouncing ideas off one another, even outside of a structured session.
  • Brainstorming introduces different perspectives and opens the door to out-of-the-box innovations.
  • Brainstorming helps team members get ideas out of their heads and into the world, where they can be expanded upon, refined, and put into action.
  • Brainstorming is great for team building. No one person has ownership over the results, enabling an absolute team effort.

Brainstorming


Now that we’ve established what brainstorming is and why it’s important, let’s take a look at some examples of scenarios where it would be useful.

The brainstorming technique is a great way for you to generate new ideas when working on your personal or professional life. It can be used in both aspects of our lives, especially if we are trying to solve problems with the help of this method alone! The versatility has made it one popular approach among companies who need more than just their team members’ input – they also take into account other factors such as culture change at the workplace, etc. We hope your next brainstorming session leads to great things!

Daria Biriuzova

Purser Daria Biriuzova

Purser Daria Biriuzova

Daria Biriuzova is a jack of all trades and a master at them too! With her hands in training future yacht crew as well as recruitment, being a mother and a full-time Purser on board, she’s a pro at juggling all of her very full plates! Get a sneak-peek into her journey and life as a yacht Purser.

Could you tell us a little about where you’re from, and how you started in yachting?

I grew up at the seaside, in a small town on the Azov coastline, which is an internal sea with passage to the Atlantic Ocean going through the Black, Marmara,  Aegean, and Mediterranean seas. I began my yachting career working on a 52-meter busy charter yacht. I initially joined as a junior stew, but I was promoted to second stew within a week due to my vast cruise ship and land-based experience in the hospitality industry.

What kind of vessels have you worked on? And what has been your favourite? (Size-wise and why?)

After two years on my first yacht, I knew I was ready to take the next step and became the Chief Stewardess on a busy private 41-meter yacht. Since then I have been Chief Stew on yachts ranging 41-65 meters. My favourite size of the yacht was 40+ because the crew become like family, sharing the same goals and producing unforgettable experiences for owners and charter guests.

What was your journey to becoming a Purser?

Since I had my son, I used to always take seasonal jobs, so I could spend time with him. I have since completed my Purser Course and landed my first job as a Purser directly after I finished. My goal was to get a rotational position where I can utilise my skills and grow professionally but balance that with family life.

What does your daily routine look like?

My daily routine is always hectic with plans changing every minute, as everyone in yachting are all too familiar with! However, the accomplishments of successfully completing any given task drove me through the difficult times of the Covid 19 pandemic.

What is your favourite part of the role?

My favourite part of being a purser is completing a successful crew change. It’s quite challenging nowadays to obtain all necessary permits, visas etc, while crew are waiting on standby to join the vessel; it’s great to see them happy to be back on board.

The Purser role is BUSY, how do you keep your well-being and health in check?

I was quite lucky on board, regardless of busy times I always found time to do yoga and workout sessions during sunrise and sunset, which helped a lot towards maintaining my well-being. It’s difficult but you have to make time for yourself and what you enjoy.

Do you find the time for personal and professional growth or is this something you would like to improve on?

I always find time to improve my skills and knowledge. In my free time, I run courses for entry-level stewardesses in Ukraine, and I am extremely proud to see them all getting in yachting and growing professionally afterward.

Traveling the world I’m sure has been amazing! What has been your favourite destination and why?

I can’t recall how many countries I have visited, but my best yachting experience was in Exumas, Bahamas. Our crew were lucky to spend about a month without guests to enjoy beautiful uninhabited islands.

If you could ensure one positive change for the industry, what would it be?

Yachting is challenging, though absolutely rewarding place to work. Crew should not take it for granted, they should always educate themselves either by self-learning or taking courses to improve their skills.

What’s next for you?

I have now completed two years being a Purser onboard a busy private yacht that was a part of a big fleet based in UAE. I have always had a passion for the South of France, so I have decided to take a small break before moving on land where I can enhance my career and be part of a well-established company within yachting.

Daria Biriuzova

With all of her experience and skills, we see nothing but success in this incredible woman’s future, all the best to you Daria!

Kelly Gordon

Captain Kelly Gordon – Determined To Make a Difference!

Captain Kelly Gordon – Determined To Make a Difference!

Captain Kelly Gordon has been featured in many yachting publications and most recently, and impressively, Business Insider. Hailing from a small farm in Indiana US, she navigated her way from Chemistry professor at a junior college to yacht Captain, which has become her true vocation. She is one of the most positive and inspiring figures in the yachting world, determined to influence positive changes simply by doing what she loves best and setting a true example.

Could you tell us a little about where you’re from, and how you started in yachting?

Ha! The way I grew up was the FURTHEST from anything yachting! I grew up in a little town right smack in Middle America on a small farm. The largest body of water that I knew was the little lake that we would go to during the summer months where my Grandma had a tiny cottage. I have always loved the water, been a swimmer, and loved our little 16′ fish and ski that we had growing up as kids, but that was THE extent of my boat knowledge!

I quit high school when I was 15 to run the farm (where I’m from kids are meant to at that age). I quickly realized and I was determined that I was going to need to make a living another way. I had always wanted to be a veterinarian, so I decided to go to college and obtain my BS in Chemistry in order to apply to vet school. I acquired some welding credits along the way and a little before my chemistry studies, so I utilized that skill to make some extra money during my studies. I also working at the local veterinary clinic to improve my chances of getting into vet school. The first time I applied, I got accepted, that’s quite the feat!

But, young and scared of moving away from home and all that was familiar, and a fear of failure, I chose to quit on my dream. Well, it made perfect sense in my 22-year-old brain to move far away (I thought I could get away from my own disappointment). Little did I know, you are always with yourself wherever you go! So, away I went, to North Carolina! I got my MS in Chemistry and found the ocean and really big boats! Little did I know, those were yachts and this is where it all began!  Specifically, I was invited to a party on board, I was intrigued, and remarked that I could drive this thing, I didn’t even know bow from the stern!

Were you always determined to become a captain?

My journey to captain was not your typical one, by far! Again, I knew nothing about boats, but I was lucky. I was lucky to have found a mentor that recognized my drive, thirst for knowledge, grit, and determination.  And, as I say I was lucky, I sit here and ask myself if it was all luck or it was preparation. I could go on and on about this, but truly, it is preparation. It is being prepared to jump on the opportunity as it arises and, it’s having your eyes wide open as to not miss an opportunity. So, this fella, whom I call my mentor, saw that I was determined, while I saw the opportunity. He took me under his wing and insisted that I spent time in every department of the vessel-the exterior, the interior, the engine room, and obviously the wheelhouse. I did shy away from the galley though and that probably for the best. It was during this time that I was spending in as many areas of the vessel, that my focus never wavered from becoming a captain. And, I did!! And, here I am! The absolute happiest I have ever been!

Who inspires you and why?

This was a tough question, but then again it wasn’t.  Deep within my core, ingrained inspiration comes from my mom.  She has instilled in us kids since we were little bitty that we can do or be anything that we want.  Growing up with that, knowing that, and truly believing that is such an inspiration in itself.  But, now, from day to day, it’s my colleagues and crew members that inspire me.  You might think that it’s the captains that are running huge crews and Megayachts, but not always.  Yes, they are huge inspirations.  They set examples of how I want to grow as a captain and human being for me, but sometimes it’s my mate, my chef, my deck/stew, or my manager that inspires me.

Sometimes, it’s the young people that are looking to me for guidance and help wading through their life and career that inspires me.  Sometimes, they have the simplest, yet best understanding.  Their experience and lack of experience, wisdom, and lack of wisdom inspire me.  Sometimes, it’s my manager getting a little testy when he hears someone else might want to hire me that inspires me or when he sits in a meeting with me when I am exhausted and asks me if I’m ok, that inspires me.  They inspire me to keep growing, to keep chasing my dreams, to keep helping others, and to keep working to be the best damn captain, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, and human being that I possibly can be.

What motivates you?

I’d have to say myself! I can’t hide this! I am a bit of a perfectionist and competitive. But, I have worked to get this to a healthy level, too!  Results also motivate me, tangibles, data, motivate me. Remember, I was a chemist before I was a captain, so if I can attach a result or interpretation of some sort of data to it, it motivates me. Those are the extrinsic motivators though. Perhaps, more important are the intrinsic motivators. This would be growth and growth on many levels-personal, career, emotional, intellectual, etc. And, can I say that I am happy with my performance of the day, the week, the month, etc. If I can, that keeps me going. That motivates me. And, my crew are probably my biggest motivators. They look to me for guidance and to help them grow. That is a HUGE motivator.

As a female captain, have there been any significant barriers in your career?

There definitely has! It’s the obvious elephant in the room –  the fact that I am a woman.  But, I think this is only as much of a barrier as you allow it to be. Actually, this could tie back to the last question as it’s actually a motivator for me. When someone doubts me it just adds fuel to my fire. It gives me the spark that I need to succeed, to keep pushing, and it makes me determined to prove to them I can. I was such a tough little girl and this mindset hasn’t left…my mom might describe it in other ways! Haha. But, really, it’s all in how you perceive your barriers and react to them. For me, they just helped me become all that much more determined!

How do you advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion on board?

Well, I speak out and I speak out to whoever will listen, but I think it’s important to do so in a way that’s tasteful and not off-putting. Heck, the boat I am running now screams diversity!  It is a minority (African American) owned and managed, female ran (me), has a female deckhand that also doubles as a stew, and has interviewed a male steward just last week!  So, I think we advocate for diversity and inclusion by actually doing it! When it comes to equity, we are all equal on board my vessel and I love to share that approach with my colleagues.  I have always told my crew that I never want to hear, “that’s not my job.” We are a team!  My mate does the dishes at night for the girls after dinner service. I buss the tables when they are behind and put the toys away when I need to.  We all share in each other’s responsibilities. That’s how I advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion-we actually do it!

I’m sure there have been many career highlights! Could you tell us one that stands out?

This just might be the toughest question that you have asked me!  I can’t say that there is ONE particular highlight that stands out to me because I find myself having several, small highlights along the way. Actually, they’re big highlights to me and they range from navigational challenges to hearing that I have made an impact in someone else’s life. When I was a baby captain, it was my top to bottom East coast transit. Then it was my crossing and entrance into Cuba when that was allowed, then it was learning to successfully navigate The Bahamas.  After that, it was navigating the river system from top to bottom from Stuart, FL to Milwaukee, WI, a 2000 mile journey in some of the toughest rivers. But, I’d have to say the biggest highlights are when I get messages on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram saying that I have helped them pursue a goal that they have given up on or that I have inspired them to chase their dreams.

The one that is most recent and keeps creeping back into my mind is when I received a message from a young man on LinkedIn that had listened to one of my interviews.  He said, “You actually made me feel like I have been working with you just through listening to the video as I could understand and relate to you. You are amazing, incredible, and unique, but most importantly you are unaware that you are a true inspiration and in my book, a legend. Keep being the amazing, legendary woman and captain that you are.”  THAT!  That speaks volumes to me. I debated even sharing that comment with you, but that is huge. Moments like this, when I have made a difference in someone’s life, that is a career highlight! But, maybe the biggest highlight of my career is that I am actually doing it, I can actually say that I am a superyacht captain!

How important is personal and professional growth to you?

OMG!!!!!  I am so glad you asked and have been waiting on this question from someone!  Can we dedicate an entire article to this PLEASE!!!!!! I think you can tell just two sentences in that I am HUGE on this!  So, I have a list taped to my wall and the foot of my bed that lists the courses that I need to take in order to advance my license. It is the first thing that I see every morning when I wake up. I put it there intentionally. And, if it’s not a course that I am taking, I read the manuals on the boat when I can. I’ve got to give huge kudos to one of the most brilliant engineers that I know for insisting that I read my manuals, Kevin Dettloff.

Personal growth-that never stops and that is probably more important than professional growth. I am the absolute happiest I have ever been in life and it has taken me 40 years to get here and a load of work and dedication. It is constant work, but it is work that I really enjoy.  Yes, sometimes I encounter challenges and setbacks and they are frustrating/depressing/discouraging, but I have learned to adopt a mindset that allows me to look forward to the growth that will come after I work through that particular challenge. The conversations that we have with ourselves and the way that we treat ourselves are probably more important than any other.

What advice would you give to the next generation of female captains?

Just do it! Don’t let fear get in your way. Ask for help. Don’t hesitate in reaching out to those, man or woman, who have become successful in the industry. Ask lots of questions. Spend as much time on different boats as you can. Take every opportunity that you can and even if it doesn’t turn out as you had hoped you are certain to learn something valuable from it. Find a mentor – you will need it on the days that you feel like you have been kicked in the gut, trust me, it will happen and you will need that outside support. Support the other women in the industry because there are only a few of us at this point.  And, trust your skills, know what you know. I dealt with imposter syndrome for a while and I had to have a TON of conversations with myself to overcome that. Don’t doubt your choices and abilities. Lastly, never stop learning!

Kelly Gordon

Captain Kelly’s enthusiasm and determination are palpable, it’s no wonder she is so influential in the yachting space. She is a testament to the fact that if you follow your passion, all your dreams can come true! A true inspiration, thanks Kelly!

Reticular Activating System

The Reticular Activating System and Your Goals

The Reticular Activating System and Your Goals

Focus…it’s something we are constantly in and out of throughout the day. With the Reticular Activating System (RAS) you may be able to harness this focus more sharply, subconsciously to enable you to achieve your goals with more precision. It’s a very handy way to manage your mental energy so that you can make the most of it.

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a bundle of neurons located in the Reticular Formation in your brainstem. But how does it work? Have you ever thought of buying something, say a red car, and suddenly you’re seeing more red cars and they are everywhere? And then you can’t stop seeing red cars, how did you not notice there were so many red cars on the road before?!

They’ve been there all along but only now has your Reticular Activating System brought this to your attention. This system controls the stimuli you receive and through its processes, motivates you to behave a certain way. You can’t process everything happening around you, so the RAS does this on your behalf, only filtering what is necessary for you! Its job is to automate as much of your behaviour as possible so that you don’t actively have to think about it. When you’re in a noisy environment, trying to have a conversation with a friend, the RAS also blocks out everything else so that you can focus on what your friend is saying.

This is a very powerful thing. If you want to focus on something or remember something specific, you need to bring your RAS into play. Meaning that if you gave a goal in mind, and it’s programmed into your RAS, you will automatically be thinking about it and your actions will be geared towards achieving that goal, without you having to even try that hard. Your choices will automatically steer you towards what you need to achieve your goal.

But how do you engage your RAS to achieve laser focus and connect to your deeper consciousness?

The cool thing about the Reticular Activating System is that it doesn’t know good from bad, it’s like a robot, it only cares about automating and filtering the things that are important to you. For example, if you say “I hate exercise!” it will do everything it can to filter information through to prevent you from having a fitness routine and block out any positive outcomes you’ve had in the past. That’s how powerful it is! So if you say “I really love exercise!”, the same thing, the RAS will start bringing to your consciousness all the positive things that you experience from exercise, and start making it seem easier to get into an exercise routine and stick to it.

Some people call this “the law of attraction” which, it technically is but it’s not magic, it’s right there, inside your brainstem, within your control.

So how can you harness this power? It takes work, I’m not going to lie to you but if you are persistent and dedicated, you will see a difference. A simple way to say it is for you to VISUALISE. We are very visual creatures so use this often! For some, this is easier said than done so try these tips:

  1. Think about exactly what you want. What goal you want to achieve, what situation you want to find yourself in. E.g. I want to buy a nice house.
  2. Now think about how you would achieve that goal or reach that situation. What steps are actively going to get you there. It doesn’t have to be too detailed, just an overall vision. E.g. I need to earn more money but starting a side hustle/getting a better job
  3. This is the fun part: create a mental movie where you see yourself taking those actions and you reaching your ideal goal or situation. This is where details come in. How things sound, how you act, who you encounter, all the sounds, smells, visuals and physical things need to be detail orientated. Once you have your movie, replay it as much as you can when you wake up and you’re having your morning coffee or when you’re drifting off to sleep at night.

Reticular Activating System

We’re not saying that your dreams are going to come true just by replaying a nice movie in your head. But training your Reticular Activating System to motivate your behaviour to steer you towards achieving those goals will. Work hard and keep that laser-sharp focus! Keep thinking about what you want and acting in line with that. You’ll be owning that red car and a nice house in no time!

Fear of Success

Fear of Success – Is it holding you back?

Fear of Success – Is it holding you back?

Fear exists to protect ourselves from threats we face, on a spectrum from mild to life-changing. If we didn’t feel this emotion, it could lead to fatal consequences. Fear is a response to physical and emotional danger stemming from millennia ago. It has played a vital role in driving evolution, allowing the human species to survive. Fear of success is another story.

Fear is a natural and universal human emotion. Some people fear spiders, some people fear heights; but we all know what it feels like to be afraid of success. With the rise in entrepreneurship, the opportunities for success are greater than ever before–but so is the potential for failure. This article explores why we all have these feelings when it comes to our own achievements, and how you can use them as motivation to succeed!

We no longer face threats such as fighting off animals or battling the elements, which were immediate and dire consequences for early mankind. We now face lower risk stresses such as elevators (claustrophobia and heights), public speaking etc. but some individuals still develop extreme flight-or-fight responses when presented with these situations.

Fear doesn’t just come from negative stresses but also positive ones. As humans, a lot of us are more afraid of success than we are of failure. Although success is viewed as a very desirable outcome, often we will self-sabotage to avoid achievement. This sounds counter-intuitive but imposter syndrome or perceived fraudulence is a well-known experience and involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.

Although success is viewed as a positive outcome, there are a few reasons that people fear doing well. A key point to note is that people fear the consequences of success, not success itself. With achievement comes expectations and these can be intimidating for the majority. The path to success is generally paved with making sacrifices, persisting through difficulty and recovering from failures. As humans, we constantly aim for a state of comfort or homeostasis so it’s no wonder that many choose to avoid these risks.

We already briefly discussed imposter syndrome and this is just one of the ways fear may be holding you back from conquering the game of life.

  • Feeling misinterpretation: Excitement and anxiety manifest themselves the same way in the physical body. This can be misinterpreted and cause people to avoid situations that could possibly trigger these emotions.
  • Backlash avoidance: We live in a society that is still governed by social norms and a fear of success sometimes means challenging these norms. For example, although there change afoot, research shows that women generally tend to avoid self-promotion because it still challenges traditional gender roles. They tend to associate negative consequences with success, fearing the economic or social backlash.
  • Negative experiences: Success often breeds jealousy and can invoke negative reactions from others such as being called a “show-off”, lucky or potentially others wanting to free-load. This is considered a form of hardship and may lead to avoidance in the future.
  • Poor self-efficacy: This refers to an individual’s beliefs in their ability to be able to achieve their goals. Research shows that people who fear success lack self-efficacy.
  • Social anxiety: Success will undoubtedly put one in the limelight and if you are shy and socially anxious, this is a nightmare scenario.

It’s important to find the courage to face your fears, especially if you want to obtain success and live the life you deserve. The things we don’t want to do, are theoretically the things we do want to and need to do in order to achieve our ideal outcomes. We have some tips on how to find courage:

  • Identify and label your fear: If you are able to label your fearful thought as just that, a fearful thought, it allows you to distance yourself and gain a healthy perspective. Changing your “fear” to a mere thought rather than reality releases you from its power.
  • Analyse the fear: We can only change things that are within our control. Are you able to avoid a specific outcome, or perhaps better prepare for it? Are there elements that are outside your control and are no good worrying about? Make a list and gain clarity to enable you to face your fear.
  • Keep your eye on the prize: If you are thinking about facing a fear and preparing a plan of action for it, there must be a potentially good outcome. What could you gain? Look ahead to the positives and maintain focus on your goals.
  • Strategize: Taking your time, formulating a plan about how to tackle your fear is perfectly acceptable.

The classic saying “Failing to plan is planning to fail” still rings true. Barging head first to conquer a fear may suit you but if you need time and to form a plan on exactly how you are going to do so is also just fine. People who have different plans on how they are going to react to different scenarios tend to meet their goals more successfully.

Fear of Success

Fear of success can be obvious or it can lie beneath the surface, and you may not even be aware it’s there! It’s a genuine fear that can cost one greatly in a personal capacity. Hopefully, we’ve been able to help you identify it and given you some tools to be able to conquer it!

Paula Imrie

Paula Imrie – Chief Stewardess Extraordinaire!

Paula Imrie – Chief Stewardess Extraordinaire!

Paula Imrie is a fiery Scottish lass that has mastered the art of running the interior. Captured by the allure of yachting through tales of the high life on board, she jumped at the chance to get involved. Through word of mouth, she was able to get her foot in the door and the rest is history! Her unbridled enthusiasm is motivation in itself and, when she puts her mind to it, there is nothing that this Chief Stewardess can’t accomplish!

You’ve had a fun and interesting career climbing the ranks from Stewardess to Chief Stewardess across the globe! Can you tell us about where you’re from and a little about your background before yachting?

I am from a little town just outside Edinburgh in Scotland called North Berwick, it’s a stunning seaside town if anyone is interested in a Scottish adventure. I was always a worker from a young age and I have worked in nearly every space on my local street from Boots & Tesco, to Nanny & Bartender, the list goes on! My first job was as a housekeeper in a local hotel in my hometown. Throughout my working life, I always had supportive managers and bosses but none more so than my last full-time position in a clothes boutique.

My last boss, Megs, was an avid traveller as an ex-flight attendant with her children both in yachting. They always came home for Christmas telling me about these insane parties and restless nights working on these massive shiny superyachts. Megs guided me to her daughter Fiona who was a Chief Stewardess at the time and took me under her wing for my first stint as a day worker. Then Sarah Plant at ReCrewt placed me in my first junior stewardess position onboard a lovely 56 m Benetti Called Galaxy and I haven’t looked back! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be where I am today.

How did your career begin and what was your path from Stewardess to Chief Stewardess? Have you had to complete any training?

I worked onboard Galaxy for a little over 3 years under three Chief Stewardesses, all with different skill sets. We were all a very tight crew and are all still in touch to this day. I’ve been to weddings, met babies and catch up regularly with my first crew. It was a really special time for me and I put that down to our Captain and First Officer who didn’t change the entire time I was on board. You guys know who you are! I then did a bit of travelling (spending my tips!). After that, I moved onto Slipstream as a Second under a Chief who had been on board for 7 years! BIG shoes! She was an absolutely fantastic Chief, I loved working with her and I can’t thank her enough for the opportunity to move into her role when she decided to leave. It was extremely challenging, Slipstream is a busy charter yacht and always on tight turnarounds. I was lucky to have a great, experienced team with me as well as fantastic Chefs. After that I decided to just temp for a little while on Cloudbreak, this is where I met the lovely Bec McKeever! I made some real friends for life on this boat which was a fantastic opportunity. We travelled around Norway, Greece, Turkey and Germany. I was employed as a Second Stew and absolutely loved it! Lucky my Chief at the time was super experienced and lovely we got on like two peas in a pod (shout out to the other P!) and we worked together really well. After the contract ended I was asked back but they only had a stew position. I said ABSOLUTELY! It was great, I loved it. I learned a lot from stepping up and down. You are never too good for any position, you always need to respect the position above and below you even if you have more experience, that is the job you accepted. Other than that it’s the usual STCW courses as well as Food Hygiene and my WSET Level 2 wine course which I completed for fun in sunny Edinburgh.

Throughout your career from Stewardess to Chief Stewardess, what challenges have you faced?

​For me, finding the right crew is always the biggest challenge. It’s challenging for all departments including the Captain and management to recruiting those that are passionate about the yacht they work on. Over my time on boats, I would say for any manager or Captain recruitment is the hardest possible thing to do on or off yachts. There was also one occasion where one of my girls dropped the whole oil and balsamic vinegar table set on a brand new white silk carpet one hour before the owners were stepping on. It was a Sunday, it was late and we were in Barbados… that was a bad day. Provisioning would also be a big one especially during COVID, my yacht was in Florida when the pandemic hit, trying to get any food on board was a nightmare. I sent two girls to Wholefoods and the shelves were nearly empty, my Second at the time said she had to hide a roast chicken up her t-shirt as things had turned feral in the supermarket.

Who do you turn to if you’re having a bad day and how do you handle that when being onboard?

As a Chief Stewardess, I lean on my second stewardess we work as a team and a problem shared is a problem halved. I am lucky enough to have a fantastic Second Stewardess on my current vessel who I completely trust with everything onboard. I also rely on my partner who I currently work with. He’s a laid back kiwi engineer so it’s safe to say I get great advice from him. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems, especially when I tell him something and he’s standing in a sweaty engine room covered in oil. When you start to spread your frustrations out on everyone who will listen, that’s when things generally go south. Chinese whispers happen and it’s made into something it’s not.

You’ve gaining leadership skills and sound knowledge over the years, all the way from Stewardess to Chief Stewardess. How would you describe your leadership style and what an ideal team environment looks like to you?

​I would definitely have to say work smarter not harder. If my team don’t know what they are doing, I learned that it’s not their fault but mine for not guiding them correctly. Before I started yachting, I was very hard on myself and it’s something that still happens to this day. For me, someone running around not taking breaks and looking super stressed doesn’t say “I’ve got this”. We all work as a team on board, I couldn’t do it without them and they couldn’t do it without me, and I like a tabletop decision, ultimately it’s up to me but I like to know what the team think. You have to weigh everything up, sometimes you have to work harder but rest is just as important. Everyone works better with that little bit of extra time/sleep/reading time or just time to chat with friends and family. I like to think I’m pretty laid back but I definitely have a fire in my heart if things are not done correctly or the way I ask, what can I say I am a Chief Stew!

You’ve been incredibly lucky to travel to some amazing destinations, where has been a highlight, and why?

My highlight was the BVI’s before the hurricane hit. We were all out and met these sailors in the “Bitter End Bar”, who invited us on a catamaran midnight cruise with them. We arrived at 11:30 in our summer dresses. We were greeted with 10 Hobie Catamarans. It’s safe to say they gave us some appropriate attire to wear as we were actually sailing around the islands. None of us has one single photo to prove it ever happened but it did and was one of the fondest memories from my time on boats! P Diddy also inviting my crew out to the Billionaires club in Monaco to hear him perform, meeting Leo… And Rhianna, oh and Lewis Hamilton… Ok, I’m done. Oh and Paris Hilton… Ok, now I really can’t say anymore!

As someone who has been in the industry for a really long time, if you could give a younger (less wise!) version of you some sound advice, what would it be?

​Listen to your senior crew, there is nothing more annoying than “on my last yacht”, I can’t stand it. Save more money, I have had an awesome experience in yachting but now being a homeowner and the “real world” starting to happen for me. I should have probably spent less money on Jager bombs and designer items. It’s safe to say I have calmed down in the past couple of years, anyone who knows me knows I was a very social yachtie in my day. I think as long as you can do your job well at the end of the day, then enjoy it! Yachting is a great experience and should be enjoyed! Work hard play hard, right?! I would also say, never give someone a job you haven’t done yourself, and appreciate all the different positions on board. Oh, and no dream is too big!

From Stewardess to Chief Stewardess, what are your thoughts about having a mentor?

I have always had a mentor in yachting, the first was my friend Fiona who brought me into the industry in 2012, then it was Captain Luke on my first yacht. The way he handled all the crew both on and off-board is simply incredible and he’s a credit to any yacht as a Captain. Even after all this time we still chat every now and then. He really did shape me to be the Chief Stewardess I am today. I always try and think “what would Luke do in this situation”.

Any hot tips for staying organised and on top of everything?

For me, when I am at work, I always get up early and have my plan for the day, then I go have a coffee to just be with the crew in the morning. I always like to be organised in my morning meetings and always have a plan the day before. I try to plan out a week at a time. I don’t usually do too much more than that as our yacht changes plans all the time so I just go with the flow on our worklists.

What’s next for you? Are you a yachtie for life or do you have plans for the future?

That’s a great question! I have definitely calmed down in the past couple of years and for me, it does have a ticking time frame now for my time on boats. I flick between so many ideas in my head of what’s next, and I still really don’t know. For me, I would love to start a family in the next couple of years with my partner (surprise Dave!) and get a dog! Where that will be, we really don’t know. Like a lot of couples in yachting, we are both from different countries and it’s hard to choose a place to stop and start all of that especially with the pandemic and the situation with New Zealand. I flick between closing the door for good on yachts to thinking I could possibly be a crew agent. I need to wait and see. It’s safe to say it’s been one hell of a ride for me on yachts and I’m so happy I had the opportunity to work with all the people I did. My 10 years have gone by pretty quickly so make the absolute most of it guys!

Paula Imrie

With an impressive career behind her and an abundance of enthusiasm, we can’t wait for Paula to conquer the next phase of her working life. We have a feeling that whatever she decides, it’ll be an awesome adventure! All the best Paula.

Jess Ayling’s Career in Yachting

Jess Ayling’s Career in Yachting

Jess Ayling is no ordinary Purser. This young lady started out as a deckhand and impressively worked her way up the ladder, gaining her OOW in the process. Her passion for her job is palpable, injecting an aspect of care into the industry that is oftentimes absent. She opens up about her career in yachting and how her journey took her from deckhand to Purser.

Did you always want to get into yachting?

Originally I considered yachting a kind of ‘stop gap’ before I went to university. I genuinely thought I would be in the industry for a couple of years. I had no idea the journey I was about to undertake. Thirteen years later I’m still here and I have no regrets.

What made you choose the deck route vs. interior when starting your yachting career?

There was no question that I would go the deckhand route when I first got into yachting. Growing up sailing, diving and driving boats,  it was a complete no brainier. Back in 2008, it was still quite uncommon to have female deckies. The yacht agents tried to convince me I should go for deck/stew roles. The best piece of advice I was given was to stick to my guns and tell them I only wanted to be considered for a full deck role. After being told I would struggle, I proved them wrong by having seven solid job offers after 2 days in Antibes, I joined my first yacht a couple of weeks later in Mexico.

What was it like working your way up on deck?

It was so much fun, I loved the comradery that comes with being on deck. I learnt to be tough and take a lot of jokes, however, at the same time I have only ever felt truly respected by the men I have worked with. Unfortunately, I know this is not always the case, and misogyny is still very prevalent in Yachting. As a female, I felt things get slightly more difficult when I wanted to start climbing the ladder and asking for more responsibility. There is a huge appeal of having a female deckhand. However, they become more sceptical when it comes to a female in a leadership role over a team of men. You certainly have to work twice as hard, study and get all your tickets before you are taken seriously.

Tell us what made you transition from a Second Officer to a Purser Role?

I was in a time of my life where I was unsure what direction I wanted to take in yachting, I loved being Second Officer however I knew I did not want to become a Captain. I had been playing with the idea of being a Purser as there are many transferable skills. I Spoke to one of the lovely ladies at Wilson Halligan for some advice, and they gave me the courage to go for it and put my CV out there.

Who has been a mentor/support for you in your yachting career?

My current Rotational Captains have been an invaluable part of my career growth as Purser and I have a great working relationship with them both, they are so encouraging. Throughout my entire career my sister, Nicki Ayling, who was also in the yachting industry for many years has always been someone I’ve looked up to as a strong female dominating in a male field.

What challenges do you face working as a Purser?

The past couple of years of ‘COVID madness’ has been extremely challenging as a Purser, I feel like I have learnt so much in a short space of time. I have learnt to prioritise and handle anything that is thrown in my direction and I simply do not sweat the small stuff anymore. Another huge thing I have to consistently work on is handling my emotions in a high-pressure role. I really care about my job, and the crew, but sometimes you have to try and detach as you can get overburdened by others’ expectations of you. When you are under pressure it’s easy to feel like this.

The only other huge challenge I face is coming down for lunch without being bombarded with questions about crew flights… but I guess that comes with the territory.

How do you feel about the future of the industry?

I am hoping to see some positive sustainable changes as we become more aware of the impact our actions have on the planet. COVID has made people evaluate what is really important.

What has been your favourite thing about yachting throughout your yachting career?

There are too many highlights for me and I have been to some unbelievable places and had unforgettable experiences. My absolute favourite thing is the people I’ve met and knowing that I now have friends all around the world to visit (when we can all travel again).

What is next in the pipeline for you?

Yachting has been my life since I was a green deckhand at the tender age of eighteen. I am currently lucky to be employed on a fantastic vessel so I’m really happy where I am right now. If and when things change I would still love to work around the industry somehow although I am not sure in which capacity.

What advice would you give young ladies looking to start their yachting career with regards to which path to take?

I would say I am a testament to the fact that if you are not sure which direction to go, you can always change your mind later on. A career in yachting is incredible and if you work hard you will reap the rewards, so go for it!

It’s clear that we can expect great things from Jess. As for her career in yachting, I doubt we’ll see the last of it for some time to come. Thanks for making the industry a better place Jess!

Limiting beliefs

Limiting Beliefs and How They’re Holding You Back

Limiting Beliefs and How They’re Holding You Back

Why is it that some people are so successful and others are not? Sure there are sometimes extenuating circumstances that put others ahead but there are also those who seem to beat the odds. The majority of the time, it comes down to mindset. We can only achieve what we believe. Limiting beliefs are thoughts, opinions that one believes to be the absolute truth. They tend to have a negative impact on one’s life by stopping them from moving forward and growing on a personal and professional level. 

Examples are: “I’m bad with money”, “Every time I try and change, I fail”, “Work isn’t meant to be a joy”. These are just thoughts, and through continued affirmations they became beliefs. Our tendency to interpret new information as confirmation of our pre-existing beliefs is called confirmation bias, which means that we often believe what we want to believe.

Everyone has the potential to achieve great things, no matter their circumstances. But fear often holds up back, we tell ourselves stories, play it safe and only end up living half a life. We create stress and internal conflict by holding ourselves back from our true calling. When we change our stories to create a new truth about who we really are, then we start to feel happy and fulfilled. But why and how does this occur?

How Self-belief originates

Up until the age of seven, we operate in brain wavelengths that closely resemble a hypnotic state, according to Dr Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief. This is where most of our limiting beliefs are formed. I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying kids are like sponges? They soak up and record everything around them including “bad” and “good” behaviours and emotions. 

When a child is treated with love and made to feel wanted, this turns into the belief that they are valued. Contrary to that, if a child is neglected or abused they will grow up with the belief that they are unwanted and undeserving. These will become their limiting beliefs. If you’ve ever heard that little voice in your head telling you can’t be or do something, that’s a limiting belief. Those thoughts are exactly that, just thoughts. They are not realities.

As humans, we are constantly aiming to make ourselves as comfortable as possible. This includes avoiding negative emotions like frustration, anxiety, anger etc. Limiting beliefs act as a defence mechanism to avoid these emotions. Often they are triggered by situations where you have experienced suffering in the past. You change your behaviour because your subconscious is trying to prevent this. It often ends, ironically in other negative outcomes such as procrastination, imposter syndrome, overthinking etc.

How to Take Back Control of Your Limiting Beliefs
  1. If you find yourself feeling fearful or resisting an activity, stop and be aware. You’re currently in a state of ‘low mood’ thinking.
  2. Write it down! What is it that you think you cannot do? Try and identify exactly why you are feeling that way. Understand that what you are thinking is not necessarily true.
  3. Look for evidence. Why aren’t you able to achieve XYZ? Are these legitimate reasons or just excuses? Are you able to overcome these? Is it just difficult and you are not willing to? That is also ok but it doesn’t mean you can’t.
  4. Be accountable. Thoughts and feelings come and go, they are not that truth about who you are. There are plenty of tools to help you combat negative emotions like stress and anxiety, use them! A brain is a powerful tool, you are in control of a lot more than you think (limiting belief). Breathe and recentre. 
  5. Talk it out! As the saying goes, friends are better than therapy. If you find yourself having limiting beliefs, I’m sure your friends or family would be shocked to hear what you think about yourself. Find someone you trust to share your thoughts.

Of course, changing a belief doesn’t automatically result in changed behaviour, you still have to do the work. For example, change “I’m not good with money.” to “In the past, I haven’t been good with money but I am working towards changing my spending habits.” or “I am learning how to be financially responsible.” Take one step at a time. 

“The quality of your thoughts creates the quality of your life.”

If you want to change your life, something needs to change! Create new empowering beliefs to enable you to achieve much more than you originally thought possible. If you tell yourself “I can’t” or “that’s not possible”, ask yourself WHY 5 times to get to the route of that belief. It may not be possible to the extent or exactly how you picture it but I assure you, nothing is impossible.

Create a new mindset and a new narrative, become confident and courageous, what have you got to lose?

Limiting beliefs

Busy Vs Productive – Which Are You?

Busy Vs Productive – Which Are You?

It’s a busy world these days, trying to be successful at work, keep an exercise regime, maintain a healthy lifestyle, keep hydrated and the list goes on! Time flies and before you know it the end of the day has arrived and you haven’t accomplished nearly as much as you thought you would. The real question is… were you productive?

In our busy world today, many of us are good at being busy but not productive. Here are 7 differences between busy people and productive people. Which group are you in? 🙂

Productive is the difference between working hard and working smart.

Great work ethic is important, it gives people the drive to get things done. Busy people are always doing something because they have this drive. However, they work hard, not smart. Their focus is very linear and often they are too “busy” to consider a better faster way of doing things. Productive people first consider how effectively they can do something and then consider being efficient. They want to achieve their outcomes the quickest way possible.

There is a difference between being efficient and being effective. Effectiveness is finding the best way to complete a task whereas efficiency is just going through the steps of completing a larger task as quickly as possible. To be as effective as possible, try automating some of the steps you need to take or eliminating them altogether if they are not wholly necessary.

Keep your eye on the big picture as well as the details

Busy people get caught up in the details. Don’t get me wrong, details are important, just not every detail of every task. Sometimes getting caught in the details will be counterproductive, you’ll be running behind, you’ll get stressed and then get even less done. Sometimes it’s more important to make a decision or get a task done and refine it later.

For example, choosing between layouts of a home page of your website when you first start out could be agonising, because they all have different draw points. Choose one, test it and refine as you get feedback! There are going to be scenarios that details are, however, extremely important to pay attention to. For example, getting your logo designed. It’s something that represents your brand in my different settings. The trick is to focus on details that will affect your outcome, if it’s going to affect your end goal, then you can be a perfectionist. If you can, outsource the rest, follow the 80/20 rule or just get rid of them!

Busy people say yes to everything. Productive people say yes/no mindfully.

You may be familiar with this one…you can just never say no! Your schedule ends up being full of things that are keeping you busy, but not necessarily adding value to your life.

Busy people never say no: they say yes to everything. As a result, they fill their schedules with things that keep them busy but don’t change their life. Productive people are very mindful of what they say yes to. Everything that is said ‘yes’ to, takes time, and that time is taken away from another possible value-adding task. Constantly saying yes to the right things, will lead you down the right path, and the one to success. The same thing for constantly saying yes to the wrong things, don’t get sedge-wayed but the shiny stuff! Stay focused on what will serve you.

Don’t get caught up in the trends

Busy people will jump onto every business trend. They hear you can make money blogging so they immediately jump into a blog. Everyone is adding an app for their business, so they get busy with this too. Productive people understand that trends are actually market movements and will come and go. They consider how much value it will add to their business before deciding to buy-in.

You are given endless choices in this day and age, but it’s important to analyse them in your context to determine if they are worthwhile. Weigh up the pros and cons, the cost analysis, and most importantly, if you actually NEED it.

Busy people don’t seem to have any time. Productive people make sure they have time to focus on the important things.

For example, setting and re-valuating your goals is just as important as working towards and achieving them. Time is a construct and hours and days of the week are labelled in order to communicate and collaborate with others accurately. Your day fills up with “to-do’s” and often others peoples “to-do’s” fall under that. You need to actively choose what you are letting into your day otherwise your time will be taken up with unproductive tasks. Productive people make time for the important things, even when they are busy.

Sometimes the thing you’re putting off the most will be the thing that has the biggest impact on your life. In business, for instance, setting and evaluating your Q2 goals is something that everyone puts off but is so important for your companies achievements.  MAKE the time.

Productive people understand that using the right tools and resources enables them to do their job effectively. Busy people try and do everything themselves.

Working on day-to-day reoccurring tasks, especially when you don’t have the expertise can be draining of both your time and mental resources. Having to learn new skills and try and do everything yourself can be extremely unproductive and disallows you from concentrating on the high-level, core tasks.

Hiring can be difficult in terms of finding the right person to do the job. However, with platforms like Fiverr, Upwork and People per Hour, outsourcing has never been easier! Read our article “The Ins and Outs of Outsourcing” to get up to speed!

The right technological tools and platforms are also extremely important. Using social media planners such as Hootsuite and Planoly or email automation such as Zapier enable you to plan ahead and execute while you get on with other work. With regards to overhead costs when running a business, these are minimal costs and enable you to maximise your time.

Busy vs Productive

Now you need to ask yourself, do you want to be busy or productive? Do you want to be effective and efficient or running around, directionless and stressed? Take a breath, analyse and reset. Just because you aren’t doing EVERYTHING, doesn’t mean you are doing nothing. Time is precious and a finite resource. Use it wisely and productively. Check out our article on Time Wasters for more tips on how to manage your time more effectively!