Negative people

How To Deal With Negative People

How to Deal with Negative People

 

Negative people are one of the toughest kinds of people to be around. We all know at least one negative Nancy who always finds something wrong with the world and assumes the worst. The thing is, most of the time, these negative people don’t even know they are being negative. Sometimes, it doesn’t come from a bad place and is just their innate perspective on life. 

Of course, humans naturally experience negative biases. We tend to remember negative events, experiences, comments, and behaviours more often than positive ones. So it takes quite a bit of effort on our part to focus on the positive in things in life and have a more optimistic approach to the world. 

When it comes to dealing with negative people, regardless of what their reason to be negative may be, is detrimental and extremely difficult to deal with. When you let negative people into your life, this can have a profound affect on you mentally and professionally. Not all negative people are toxic, but most often than not, it ends being that way. This is why it’s incredibly important to be protective and selective about who you keep around you, on and off the boat. 

In this article, we’ll talk about 6 different approaches to navigating the negative people in your life how to deal with those Negative Nancy’s in the future. We may not have a choice on how others behave, but we can always control our reaction to it.

Changing the Subject 

If someone is always telling you about the bad things going on in their lives, try shifting the conversation by going after the good.  Ask a question like, “What was the best part of your day today?” or “what are some good things going on in your life right now?” This can immediately shift the person’s mindset in a different direction. By changing the subject, you have a chance to avoid a pessimistic conversation and stop playing into their negativity.  When they see that their negativity isn’t bothering you as they expected, that person will stop trying to drag you down.  You can also try talking about the good things in your life as well. Sure, you can acknowledge that there are things that aren’t all that great, but emphasise the importance of focusing on the good things, too.   Changing the conversation to something more upbeat can open their eyes to see that it’s possible to talk about uplifting topics rather than negative ones. For those who have found comfort in connecting with people by commiserating, the idea that you can also celebrate the positive together might be a new idea.

Say What You Need Up Front

You might find it’s helpful to say what you need from that person before you enter into a conversation with them. It might sound something like this, “I know several things could go wrong with this plan. But it’s not helpful for me to hear about those things right now. When I tell you what I’m doing, I would appreciate hearing some positive things.” Tell people what you hope to gain by sharing your news—maybe it’s a bit of support, empathy, a little cheer, or just simple acknowledgement. It’s all about communication. Not everyone can read your mind. If you want them to be less negative and more positive (neutral, even!) then speak your mind and say what you need. Your voice is important.  You’d be surprised that some people immediately change their tune when you ask them to. Sure, not everyone will be able to do that. However, it’s worth trying.  By communicating and sharing what we need, we could potentially see a more positive side of that person come through. 

They’re Mirroring Themselves

It’s tough to hear negative things all the time. It may even take a serious toll on your mental well-being. But it’s important to remember that someone’s negativity is likely a reflection of how they feel about themselves.  It’s never about you. People’s actions are always a reflection of how they feel internally. The sooner you understand that the quicker you’ll learn to deal with negative people.  Learning to come from a place of understanding, helps make things easier in the long run when dealing with pessimism. Sometimes, all that person really needs is more love in order to stop acting so negatively.  By keeping this in mind, it can help you look at negative comments from a healthy perspective and space. 

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Speaking of healthy perspectives and space, let’s talk about creating boundaries. You might decide that it’s best just to establish some healthy boundaries for yourself. That may look like limiting your interactions with certain individuals or completely cutting that person off. Negative people can exhaust you to your core. While it’s easier said than done, cutting some people off is a way to let go of your hold on negative people and release you from their grip. This could also look like ending conversations when they start to become overly negative. Or keeping people at a certain distance by limiting your exposure to them. That’s okay, too.  You don’t have to tolerate their behaviour.   You may feel bad at first, but remember that this could be the crucial step to moving on. Creating boundaries with people is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Grieving the Relationships You Wish You Had

Of course, none of these things are easy to do when you care about someone. If you have an unsupportive parent or partner who can’t be happy for you, it’s normal to experience grief. It can be extremely difficult once you come to accept that they can’t provide you with the things you need. You might find that you keep wishing they would change which will only leave you more tired, frustrated, and hurt.  Sometimes, it boils down to the fact that you just can’t change a person no matter how hard you try. And it’s not your responsibility to do so either.  While there’s always a chance that they’ll change down the road, you might need to accept them for who they are right now. All you can do is focus on staying positive and keep a healthy perspective on things. 

Negative people

Moving Forward

Hopefully, you do have some supportive people in your life who can be happy for you. If you do, go towards them. Gravitate towards your people. If you don’t, go out and find some. It’s important for all of us to have happy and healthy relationships with people who love seeing us succeed in life and for us to do the same for others.  No matter what, don’t let a negative person change who you are or your outlook on life. Your positivity and optimism is one of the best parts about you so never let someone take that away from you. By having a strong inner world, you’ll be able to navigate through any negativity and drama surrounding you. 

Reticular Activating System

The Reticular Activating System and Your Goals

The Reticular Activating System and Your Goals

Focus…it’s something we are constantly in and out of throughout the day. With the Reticular Activating System (RAS) you may be able to harness this focus more sharply, subconsciously to enable you to achieve your goals with more precision. It’s a very handy way to manage your mental energy so that you can make the most of it.

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a bundle of neurons located in the Reticular Formation in your brainstem. But how does it work? Have you ever thought of buying something, say a red car, and suddenly you’re seeing more red cars and they are everywhere? And then you can’t stop seeing red cars, how did you not notice there were so many red cars on the road before?!

They’ve been there all along but only now has your Reticular Activating System brought this to your attention. This system controls the stimuli you receive and through its processes, motivates you to behave a certain way. You can’t process everything happening around you, so the RAS does this on your behalf, only filtering what is necessary for you! Its job is to automate as much of your behaviour as possible so that you don’t actively have to think about it. When you’re in a noisy environment, trying to have a conversation with a friend, the RAS also blocks out everything else so that you can focus on what your friend is saying.

This is a very powerful thing. If you want to focus on something or remember something specific, you need to bring your RAS into play. Meaning that if you gave a goal in mind, and it’s programmed into your RAS, you will automatically be thinking about it and your actions will be geared towards achieving that goal, without you having to even try that hard. Your choices will automatically steer you towards what you need to achieve your goal.

But how do you engage your RAS to achieve laser focus and connect to your deeper consciousness?

The cool thing about the Reticular Activating System is that it doesn’t know good from bad, it’s like a robot, it only cares about automating and filtering the things that are important to you. For example, if you say “I hate exercise!” it will do everything it can to filter information through to prevent you from having a fitness routine and block out any positive outcomes you’ve had in the past. That’s how powerful it is! So if you say “I really love exercise!”, the same thing, the RAS will start bringing to your consciousness all the positive things that you experience from exercise, and start making it seem easier to get into an exercise routine and stick to it.

Some people call this “the law of attraction” which, it technically is but it’s not magic, it’s right there, inside your brainstem, within your control.

So how can you harness this power? It takes work, I’m not going to lie to you but if you are persistent and dedicated, you will see a difference. A simple way to say it is for you to VISUALISE. We are very visual creatures so use this often! For some, this is easier said than done so try these tips:

  1. Think about exactly what you want. What goal you want to achieve, what situation you want to find yourself in. E.g. I want to buy a nice house.
  2. Now think about how you would achieve that goal or reach that situation. What steps are actively going to get you there. It doesn’t have to be too detailed, just an overall vision. E.g. I need to earn more money but starting a side hustle/getting a better job
  3. This is the fun part: create a mental movie where you see yourself taking those actions and you reaching your ideal goal or situation. This is where details come in. How things sound, how you act, who you encounter, all the sounds, smells, visuals and physical things need to be detail orientated. Once you have your movie, replay it as much as you can when you wake up and you’re having your morning coffee or when you’re drifting off to sleep at night.

Reticular Activating System

We’re not saying that your dreams are going to come true just by replaying a nice movie in your head. But training your Reticular Activating System to motivate your behaviour to steer you towards achieving those goals will. Work hard and keep that laser-sharp focus! Keep thinking about what you want and acting in line with that. You’ll be owning that red car and a nice house in no time!

Fear of Success

Fear of Success – Is it holding you back?

Fear of Success – Is it holding you back?

Fear exists to protect ourselves from threats we face, on a spectrum from mild to life-changing. If we didn’t feel this emotion, it could lead to fatal consequences. Fear is a response to physical and emotional danger stemming from millennia ago. It has played a vital role in driving evolution, allowing the human species to survive. Fear of success is another story.

Fear is a natural and universal human emotion. Some people fear spiders, some people fear heights; but we all know what it feels like to be afraid of success. With the rise in entrepreneurship, the opportunities for success are greater than ever before–but so is the potential for failure. This article explores why we all have these feelings when it comes to our own achievements, and how you can use them as motivation to succeed!

We no longer face threats such as fighting off animals or battling the elements, which were immediate and dire consequences for early mankind. We now face lower risk stresses such as elevators (claustrophobia and heights), public speaking etc. but some individuals still develop extreme flight-or-fight responses when presented with these situations.

Fear doesn’t just come from negative stresses but also positive ones. As humans, a lot of us are more afraid of success than we are of failure. Although success is viewed as a very desirable outcome, often we will self-sabotage to avoid achievement. This sounds counter-intuitive but imposter syndrome or perceived fraudulence is a well-known experience and involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.

Although success is viewed as a positive outcome, there are a few reasons that people fear doing well. A key point to note is that people fear the consequences of success, not success itself. With achievement comes expectations and these can be intimidating for the majority. The path to success is generally paved with making sacrifices, persisting through difficulty and recovering from failures. As humans, we constantly aim for a state of comfort or homeostasis so it’s no wonder that many choose to avoid these risks.

We already briefly discussed imposter syndrome and this is just one of the ways fear may be holding you back from conquering the game of life.

  • Feeling misinterpretation: Excitement and anxiety manifest themselves the same way in the physical body. This can be misinterpreted and cause people to avoid situations that could possibly trigger these emotions.
  • Backlash avoidance: We live in a society that is still governed by social norms and a fear of success sometimes means challenging these norms. For example, although there change afoot, research shows that women generally tend to avoid self-promotion because it still challenges traditional gender roles. They tend to associate negative consequences with success, fearing the economic or social backlash.
  • Negative experiences: Success often breeds jealousy and can invoke negative reactions from others such as being called a “show-off”, lucky or potentially others wanting to free-load. This is considered a form of hardship and may lead to avoidance in the future.
  • Poor self-efficacy: This refers to an individual’s beliefs in their ability to be able to achieve their goals. Research shows that people who fear success lack self-efficacy.
  • Social anxiety: Success will undoubtedly put one in the limelight and if you are shy and socially anxious, this is a nightmare scenario.

It’s important to find the courage to face your fears, especially if you want to obtain success and live the life you deserve. The things we don’t want to do, are theoretically the things we do want to and need to do in order to achieve our ideal outcomes. We have some tips on how to find courage:

  • Identify and label your fear: If you are able to label your fearful thought as just that, a fearful thought, it allows you to distance yourself and gain a healthy perspective. Changing your “fear” to a mere thought rather than reality releases you from its power.
  • Analyse the fear: We can only change things that are within our control. Are you able to avoid a specific outcome, or perhaps better prepare for it? Are there elements that are outside your control and are no good worrying about? Make a list and gain clarity to enable you to face your fear.
  • Keep your eye on the prize: If you are thinking about facing a fear and preparing a plan of action for it, there must be a potentially good outcome. What could you gain? Look ahead to the positives and maintain focus on your goals.
  • Strategize: Taking your time, formulating a plan about how to tackle your fear is perfectly acceptable.

The classic saying “Failing to plan is planning to fail” still rings true. Barging head first to conquer a fear may suit you but if you need time and to form a plan on exactly how you are going to do so is also just fine. People who have different plans on how they are going to react to different scenarios tend to meet their goals more successfully.

Fear of Success

Fear of success can be obvious or it can lie beneath the surface, and you may not even be aware it’s there! It’s a genuine fear that can cost one greatly in a personal capacity. Hopefully, we’ve been able to help you identify it and given you some tools to be able to conquer it!

Stress and Time Management for Yachting Professionals

Stress and Time Management for Yachting Professionals

In the unpredictable and fast-paced world of yachting, it is critical for Crew to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Failing to do so will result in stress, burnout and a potential safety hazard. Stress and time management are essential when operating a vessel. However, stress is unavoidable when Pursers, Captains and Senior Crew find themselves overwhelmed by the ever-increasing yachting pressures.

No rest for the wicked

The human body needs rest to refuel and reenergise, similar to the need for food to function. “No” is not a word in the yachting vocabulary – anything and everything is possible. To go the extra mile, Pursers, Captains and Senior Crew often reprioritise for the sake of the Charter. Overtime becomes a harsh reality, forcing crew to falsify information regarding hours of work and rest.

In accordance to the MCL 2006, the minimum hours of rest for all seafarers are:

  • A minimum of 10 hours in any 24 hour period
  • A minimum of 77 hours in any seven day period

This is laughable to some crew as the minimum is a far reach on trips with demanding Charters and Owners.

Stress, a familiar friend

Lack of sleep, guest expectations, yachting administration, overtime, these are just some of the pressures associated with running a vessel. Due to the nature of the job, stress is a familiar friend for most Yachtie’s. Other than being extremely dangerous, stress also severely impacts mental health and concentration, hindering productivity and wellbeing. Not knowing how to deal with these pressures will result in a snowball effect and an inevitable downward spiral.  

Unlike any other occupation

ISS Captains Committee have identified a few problematic characteristics associated with crewing on a yacht. These unique features include

  • Living in an environment that must appear to be “perfect” at all times,
  • A lack of empathy from shore support network i.e. misdirected envy from loved ones, not understanding the yachting environment/pressures.
  • Demanding physical and mental working conditions,
  • Long hours of work creating high levels of stress and fatigue, and
  • Employment insecurity where the slightest perceived failure can result in being dismissed on a whim with all the attendant stress.
Simple changes to assist with Stress and Time Management

Virtual Pursers are the ideal shore-side solution to restore a healthy work environment. This is achieved through relieving pressure from Captains and Pursers who are unable to get through their daily administration. With 20 years combined industry experience, the team know first-hand the trials and tribulations associated with yachting. Virtual Pursers understand yachting pressures and offer a simple solution for stress and time management. It’s ok to hand over work that can be easily outsourced. In doing so, valuable time is freed up for both the Captain and Purser to focus on running the vessel. Together, Virtual Pursers and the vessels crew can work towards achieving the ultimate goal of keeping the client happy. It’s a win-win situation.

Virtual Pursers – The future of seamlessly, effortlessly, and efficiently navigating yacht administration. For more information contact info@virtualpursers.com or call +44 203 514 0413.

Crew Portal

The Future of Yachting Administration

The Future of Yachting Administration

Crew Portal
The Purser you’ll never lose.

It’s an industry reality that a Purser’s career comes to a standstill when wanting to start a family. The unfortunate trend of wasting years of experience when moving life ashore is responsible for the birth of Virtual Pursers.

With over twenty years combined industry experience, the founders of Virtual Pursers identified a gap in the market for seamless yachting administration and sailed full steam ahead.

Coronavirus has revolutionized the workspace, forcing businesses into uncharted waters. Working 9-5 from an office is ancient history and businesses need to adapt or they will capsize. With the technology available today, working remotely is now considered the “new normal” and with it comes endless opportunity. Virtual Pursers have in turn revolutionized the yachting industry by offering practical, innovative and relevant shore-side solutions through reducing overheads and retaining skilled staff – introducing concepts such as “The Purser you’ll never lose”.  

Effortlessly and efficiently navigating yachting administration.

The team at Virtual Pursers used Lockdown to their advantage, concentrating all efforts to develop a thoroughly detailed business model. Adopting the EOS business model, Virtual Pursers have implemented development tools that businesses usually only consider years down the line. The forward-thinking model, focuses on instilling values that create a positive, growth orientated atmosphere both personally and professionally, all while maintaining job satisfaction and enjoyment.  

With seamless integration at the forefront, Virtual Pursers have ensured user friendly processes that are legally compliant. Having worked with different personalities, Virtual Pursers are aware of the importance to not have a one-size-fits-all approach. With access to numerous platforms, the team are able to tailor their business relationships to the Captain or Senior Crew’s preferences. Understanding the risks and concerns associated with virtualization, the team have made cyber security a top priority, working specifically with Gmail, Outlook, Yubikeys, Macs and Norton Anti-Virus Software.

The ideal solution for yachts ranging from 40 – 65 meters

Virtual Pursers are an ideal solution for yachts that need a Purser but are unable to accommodate a Purser onboard. The expert team are readily available and can easily fulfill the role of a Purser virtually from anywhere in the world. Alternatively, the team can also relieve pressure from Pursers who find themselves overwhelmed during the busy seasons, or whilst dealing with guests on board. From experience, Virtual Pursers are oh so familiar with the pressure associated with yachting administration as well as the importance of stress and time management. Sometimes there aren’t enough hours in the day.

Trusted and experienced yachting professionals

Our services fulfill the role of a Purser, just virtually. Without overhead costs, the experienced and knowledgeable team will free up time for you to attend to guests and to focus on running the yacht.  Whether it be a once-off project or monthly service, Virtual Pursers alleviate stress by taking care of excess yachting administration by allowing ALL vessels access to a Purser service no matter the size of the vessel or the extend of the need.

Crew Portal

Virtual Pursers – The future of seamlessly, effortlessly, and efficiently navigating yacht administration. For more information contact info@virtualpursers.com or call +44 203 514 0413.